


On Love: Rivalry

by Slendergirl



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 1st person pov, Cannon compliant, Children of the main cast, Enemies to Lovers, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Self Harm, Self-Hatred, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Verbal Abuse, cursing, it goes from fluffy to angst real quick, post cannon, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-03 16:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10250891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slendergirl/pseuds/Slendergirl
Summary: Two children both alike in dignity; Natalya Altin-Plisetsky the strong headed child of Yuri Plisetsky and Otabek Altin competing again after a crushing senior debut and Aiko Katsuki-Nikiforov the daughter of the Starcrossed Lovers on ice in her senior debut performance. What will happen when one of these girls who have swore the other an enemy falls in love with the other? Will they find love in each other as they're parents did or are they destined to hate each other for life?





	1. Prologue

The ice is the only place I ever felt alive, I love my parents and brother, but my true love is the ice...or at least that's what I thought. Until I was 15 I didn't feel anything romantic for anyone, I had training to worry about. No time for dating. 

That attitude changed a few months before I turned 15, Natalya Altin-Plisetskaya. We’ve hated each other since we were eight after a peer pressure incident with some of my old friends, I tried to apologize to her but I had ruined our friendship forever. Now whenever her family came from Almaty and we weren't trying to outdo each other in front of our parents we were in a verbal or even sometimes physical confrontation.

On the other hand Nikolai and Hiroki, our brothers, were were close friends. The difference was so strange. They were attached at the hip, while we tore into each other. 

That was until a few months ago at my party for winning the Junior Grand Prix; Natalya had come in second in her senior debut that year. I had snuck some vodka into my soda. I wasn't drunk by any means, just buzzed. 

Natalya had been dragged to the party by Nikolai who wanted to hang out with Hiroki. So there I was feeling good and there Natalya was. She was talking with her new boyfriend, Gabriel Leroy, I know him from other gatherings by all of our parents; he was nice I guess. But my focus was on Natalya, the girl I say I hate, looking absolutely beautiful with her blonde hair and bright green eyes. I'm glad I was still sober enough to be able to sneak back in my room and not do anything crazy.

It's been almost a year since then and I won Junior worlds, but now something exciting has happened I'm making my senior debut. My theme is an interesting one: Unrequited Love. I've been asked who the theme is about. I don't tell them, nor will I ever tell them. Tell them that Aiko Katsuki-Nikiforova has a crush on Natalya Altin-Plisetskaya. The girl who could never feel the same way about me.


	2. Chapter One

I’m going to land it this time! I am going to land it! Fuck! Why can’t I land that fucking quad lutz! I see my dads look at me with concern, that was a hard fall. “Aiko?” The small voice of my brother says from the other side of the rink, he only skates for fun. He’s not competitive enough to survive in the circuit.

“Fine, I'm fine. I should've got it right if I didn't want to get hurt.” I pull myself back up to my feet, I know my leg is going to bruise but I'll be fine. “Okay, I'm going to do it right this time.” I don't do it right that time, or for ten more times after it. Finally Papa gets sick of me slamming to the ground and says I have to stop for the day.

“But Papa the Rostelecom Cup is only two weeks away and I still can't land the quad! It has to be perfect! If it's not perfect Natalya will-” 

“Aiko we've been over this, if you get hurt you can't compete at all. So we're stopping for the day.”

“Your father is right Aiko, we’ll try it again in the morning.” 

“But if I can't impress her-”

“Aiko-”

“Please-”

“No buts Aiko.” Papa said ruffling my hair. “I do have good news though.”

“What is it?” I get excited. 

“Your costumes came in today.” He has a small smile on his face.

“Really! Do they look good!?” 

“I haven't looked at them yet, but I bet they'll look great.” 

When we get home I open the box and there they are. My Free Skate dress is the one that came in first. It's a scarlet knee length dress with black frills on hem line. It's very simple dress and pretty, but it's nothing compared to my short program dress. Well, dress is a very loose term; the skirt comes all the up to my thighs and on the upper part there's only a front, the sides and back are held together only by a web black lace.

“That's a bit more revealing than I thought it would be...” I here Papa mutter as he looks at the silk garment on me. 

“I like it!” I say firmly as I run hands over the black silk.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
The next day 

I FINALLY LANDED THE QUAD LUTZ!!!! It was a mess, and I stepped out of the landing, but I didn't fall! Now I'm ready for my program. Well, not exactly, I suppose I still need to clean up the quad. But I did it. I wish Hiroki could have seen it, but he was hanging out with his boyfriend Nikolai Jr. Their family just got in from Almaty today so of course Hiroki would want to hang out with Nik. They're together but both of them are too shy to say anything. Unlike my crush where I know she hates me and she doesn't realize that I like her.

I decide to take a short break and get lunch. When I see her, Natalya Altin-Plisetskaya. I grab a small bowl of soup and sit down next to her.

“There's open tables over there.” Natalya says looking over at the empty lunch area.

“Well, I wanted to sit by you.” I say biting my lip painfully hard so I don't blush.

Natalya rolls her eyes and continues to eat. “Where are your assignments this year? Mine are of course the Rostelecom Cup and France.” She says simply as she take a spoonful of soup.

“I'm at the Rostelecom Cup too! And I'll be in China.” I say smiling at her.

“So we’ll be competing against each other, good, I always like destroying you.” She sounds like she couldn't care less.

“Yeah I know you do, but it's not happening this weekend. You should watch me, I've worked hard this year.”

“I might, depends on when I go on. But if I watch you, you better watch me.” She says with a small smirk. “Because I want you to see the programs that I'm going to beat you with.” 

I gulp slightly, but don't respond. It's not worth it. I have to beat her, she's not going to notice me if I don't. I have to beat her.


	3. Chapter two

I fiddle with my dress before pulling on my dad's old Russian skating jacket. Short program is today, I'm terrified. What if I mess up? Stop thinking like that Aiko, you'll be fine. You've done this program so many times you could do it your sleep. Really I'm just glad I got to sleep in my own bed, the rink for the Rostelecom cup is only fifteen minutes from home. 

“Aiko! It's time to go!” I hear Dad call.

“One second!” I finish doing my hair in a crown braid making sure the strip of silver stands out against the brown mass of hair. It's hard to braid your hair when your hands are shaking but I manage, and if it doesn't look good Dad will fix it. 

I slowly walk out of the bathroom taking a deep breath. I can do this, I can win. “Okay, did I do right?” 

“It looks perfect Lastochka.” Dad says with a bright smile. I smile at the confirmation, feeling a little more confident.

“Papa and Hiroki will meet us there right?” I ask as I zip up my jacket. 

“Yes, they'll be there two or three hours after us.” I hate leaving this early, there's still four hours before competition but Dad is insistent that we go to the rink so I can get used to it. God it is too early in the morning for this.

“Okay! Let's get going I'm ready to kick as-I mean butt! I'm ready to kick butt!” 

“This your first year as a senior, Aiko. Don’t expect to win your first Grand Prix series.” 

“Natalya's dad did.” I say without thinking.

“Oh Aiko. Well your performance yesterday was lovely so maybe I shouldn’t underestimate you, I just don't want you to feel bad if you don't come in first.” Dad says smiling brightly at me as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

“Okay Dad.” I say smiling up at him. “I understand.” As we step out of out of the apartment building we're hit with a gust of cool air. I love fall, it's my favorite season. The pretty leaves, the perfect breeze...it's amazing. 

When we get to the rink I find a quiet corner where I can stretch and get ready. “Dad what time is warm ups?” I ask beginning to stretch by touching my toes.

“The official warm ups are in two hours, but I was hoping you could some practice in before that. So whenever you finish stretching.” 

“Okay, I'll probably be like thirty minutes.” I mutter under my breath before hearing my stomach growl, fuck I forgot to eat breakfast. “Um Dad…I forgot to eat breakfast…” I mutter under my breath. “I just need something to hold me over.” I hate asking for things like this.

“Of course Lastochka. I'll go get you something and then you can run through your programs.” I nod as he speaks. I’m more focused on stretching.

After Dad leaves to get me breakfast I hear someone come over to me. I suspect it’s one of my friends from the junior division who's here also, but when I look up and see who is I almost die as her sharp emerald eyes pierce into my soul; it's Natalya. I try to control it but I know I'm blushing, my face is way too warm. “Oh hey Natalya.” I say trying to keep my voice from trembling, pulling out of touching my toes.

“You’re bright red.” She's says looking at me curiously, but there's a weird element to her voice… I can't quite place it. “You might have fever, let me check.” Natalya then proceeds to pull off her glove and press her hand to my forehead and cheeks. 

Oh god! Why is she touching me? Why the fuck is touching me!? What does she wash her hands with, fabric softener? They're so soft. I'm going to die! This is it! I'm going to have a heart attack and die right here! Her fingers leave my cheek and ghost over my jaw for a moment before she pulls away.

“Hm, I guess not. You feel perfectly normal, why are you breathing like that? Are you okay?” I'm dying! I'm about to die! Or scream! I don't know! Oh my god! She touched me! Holy shit! That's it I'm going to pass out and die right here! 

“T-T-Thanks…” I barely squeak out, come on Aiko find something to say, anything! “Good l-luck todd-d-day.” I try and get my mouth to work properly.

“You too. I can't wait to see it, I saw you practicing it yesterday, it looks strong.” I think my blush just got worse because Natalya starts snickering. “Well I have to go run my programs with my dads. I'll see you on the ice for warm ups.” She says calmly, almost in perfect contrast to my panic attack.

“Y-yeah.” Once she's gone I pretty much collapse into the wall. Holy shit! Did that actually happen…Natalya touched me and it wasn't to hurt me?! She was just checking for a fever it didn't mean anything. Or did it? The way her fingers ran over my jaw…what did it mean? Does she know? Or am I just making this into something it's not? I don't even know anymore.


	4. Chapter Three

When Dad gets back we head to the ice so I can go through my short program. Natalya isn't around thank God. I pull on my skates and lace them, my shaking hands making that extraordinarily difficult. “Aiko are you okay?” Dad asks seeing how badly I'm lacing my skates.

“Just nervous, I’ll be fine when I get on the ice.” I say finally getting my skates tied. I don't tell Dad what happened with Natalya. Even though it's like it's affecting me, I'll be fine. I shake my head to clear my thoughts, but I can’t stop thinking about the feeling of her fingers on my jaw. Stop thinking about it Aiko, it’s only going to mess you up.

I take to the ice and take a huge sigh of relief, I’m so much more at home on the ice. I may be a clumsy ox on the ground but on the ice my feet fly smoothly across it, it’s been that way ever since I was a little kid. I go over my music in my head, thankfully Dad won't make me do double runs because I have to compete today. I do my short program well enough, it’s dull without the music playing and I flub my triple axel, not enough to fall but if I do that during the performance my technical score will take a hit.

“Aiko your Papa is having trouble finding the rink, I'm going to go find them. Keep working on your axel!” Dad says looking at his phone worried.

I keep practicing the triple axel a few more times just to be sure I won’t mess it up later. After a messy axel I hear clapping from somewhere behind me. 

“Nice one Aiko! You’ll definitely win with that!" Natalya says with a harsh laugh. 

“Shut up Natalya! I’m trying to practice!” I skate to the edge of where she’s standing. 

“Practice won’t help with how lousy that was. Now I know I’m going to win.” She says laughing, at least she’s back to her normal self rather than how gentle she was. 

“Stop being so cocky, idiot.” The only way to keep myself from freaking out is to either be mean to her or to trick her. “If you’re so good how about you come in here and show me how to do it.” She won’t be able to resist that.

“Why don't I?” She said, quickly pulling on her skates and getting on the ice. “Here's how you do a proper triple axel.” I have to admit she's good at jumping. I study her trying to see how she takes off and lands, does she even realize what's she's doing?

“Now you try Aiko.” Nat says staring at me her bright green eyes bore into my soul. 

“Um okay…” Okay how did she do it? Come on Aiko you can do this, you can be as good at Natalya. I take off, the moment of weightlessness lasts forever as I count my rotations and land on one foot just like her. It's a decent axel. Not perfect by any means but nice, I wouldn't get any deductions. “You do realize what you did Natalya, right?” I ask as I see her lips curve into a frown at my success.

She recovers quickly with a small snort. “It wouldn't have been fun if I won without competition.” She says laughing. “Now get back to practicing, little pig.” 

I don't know how to respond to that so I just say the first thing that comes to mind which is the only thing I know in Kazakh: “Siktir!” I think it means something like fuck you, Natalya often yells it at me.


	5. Chapter Four

I work on my axles for another fifteen minutes before Papa and Hiroki showed up with my dress, my makeup and hair stuff so I can get dressed for today. “Thanks! I'm going to change and then it should be time to draw numbers and warm up right?” I ask Papa as I grab my stuff. 

“I think so, I'll text you if I'm wrong.” I hug my Papa tightly before running to the dressing room to pull on the tight black dress, but of course when I walk in there's a very familiar face greeting me: Natalya. “Hey bitch.” I roll my eyes at her customary greeting for me. “Nice job with Kazakh. I never thought you'd pick any up, but apparently I was wrong. You're smarter than you look.”

“Just leave me alone to get dressed.” I mutter not bothering to look at her, I’m not going to buy into her games right now. I need to focus on winning. I see Natalya roll her eyes in the mirror as I strip down and tug on the silk black dress followed by the tights; Natalya does the same, her dress it very pretty and not like her at all. Well it’s not as different from her normal style as her agape costume was when she did that for her exhibition last year. This dress is a rather nice plain bright yellow dress, it drapes over her muscles perfectly and goes perfectly with her olive skin tone.

“Do you like it Aiko?” She says with a mischievous smirk as she walks up to me. “I can see that you do, how cute.” I hate how tall she is compared to me. She’s only 5’1 but being 4’9 means pretty much anyone towers over me. 

“Of course I don’t like it Natalya! Now fuck off.” I try to stand on my toes but it doesn’t help much. 

“Oh Aiko, you’re not a very good liar.” She laughs harshly, grabs me by the chin to force me to look at her and then does something I would never expect: she presses her lips to mine. The feeling of her lips sends jolts of electricity down my spine; they're are soft and warm against mine, Natalya is kissing me…Natalya Altin-Plisetskaya is fucking kissing me! On the fucking lips! 

As soon as she’s done she pushes me away roughly, smirking at my shock. “See you on the ice, my sweet.” She says in a honeyed tone and leaves the dressing room. I look at myself in the mirror. My normally pale skin is bright red, and my blue eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them. Holy shit…holy fucking shit! Did that really happen? 

I bite my lip, I can’t let this distract me. I have to win, I have to win. Okay I just need to do my makeup and hair, and try and stop my heart from racing. My hand finds my way to the braid I did this morning to fix it from training. My fingers thread easily through the thick brown hair. Once I’m satisfied I move to my makeup. I never use that much, just enough to make my features pop. A touch of lipstick here, eyeliner there, and finally the tiniest touch of eye shadow. 

I look at myself in the mirror, perfect. I look beautiful, and just in time for the drawing. I run to the room where all the skaters are waiting. The first person to go draws the lucky six, guess that means I have to go before someone. The next person draws the two. The one is still out there, and it’s my turn to my draw. I only draw the three...thank god, that was terrifying. I would've preferred fourth or fifth but three isn’t all that bad.

Natalya’s next, and she draws the dreaded one. I have to restrain myself from laughing but I lose even the urge to do that when I see her expression...she looks confident and ready, of course she's not worried. The other two draw their numbers and then it's the first three’s turn to warm up...and that includes me. 

I go to my fathers before I get on the ice. “Aiko I don’t want you to your quads here, you’ll surprise everyone if you wait to them till your programs.” Dad says hugging me and sending me on the ice. Okay no quads, I can deal with that. I'll just go over triples and spins. 

Natalya comes onto the ice with a big smug smile and I feel like I'm on fire, not with anger, with a different feeling: lust. I remember the kiss in the dressing room, her lips pressing against mine. The electric feeling I got all over my body comes back twice as strong. No! I can't let this mess with me, deep breaths. Breathe in for five, out for five. Just focus on your warm up. I do a triple to axel and I actually land it cleanly. Good, that's a good sign. Ha Natalya you just helped me beat you! 

Nat scoffs at me and does her own triple axel; a challenge. What should I do? I know, the triple toe triple flip combo. I take off into the toe loop and land it perfectly then into the flip, I don't land it as well as the toe loop but it's clean. Your move Nat. 

Natalya just gives me the biggest smile, what is she planning? Oh shit! Was that a quad lutz!? Fuck! How am I supposed to beat that!? I know what she wants, she knows I can do that too and she wants to make me spoil the surprise. It's going to take a lot more than that. For the rest of the warm ups I practice some spins and a few jump combinations that I need to clean up.

Finally the six minute mark hits and I skate off the ice to watch Natalya's program. What's her theme again this year? I think it's revenge; revenge for what? If it’s not aimed at me then I have no clue. But I think it is at me, it’s revenge for what I did to her five years ago. We use to go to the same school before she moved to Kazakhstan, and we use to be best friends. At our school there was a rather large group of girls who tended to bully us. They’d mostly attack our skills, saying we weren’t good skaters. Natalya was much better at handling it than me, often having to protect me from them, but it never made me feel good. But then the ringleader of these girls came to me after I won a big novice competition; at first I thought they were going to stop teasing me because of how well I did. I was wrong-ish. Natalya hadn’t done so well at the competition, they said that if I teased Natalya about how badly she had done they would stop and even be my friends. Well I did it, I was just going to say a few things and apologize after school. In the midst of this Natalya said something that at the time confused me but now is one my biggest regrets for not listening. 

“Aiko! I thought you were my friend! I thought you cared about me!”

“Cared about you? Hah, I was only your friend because I had to be.”

“Aiko please, you’re my best friend and I love you.”

“You love me? How pathetic.”

Luckily Natalya gave me what I deserved: a punch square in the face. I was only 9 but I still had it coming. I also had skating with a black eye coming. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done to her, well other than…no that wasn’t my fault! I only challenged her to do a quad axel. She was 13, /she/ should have known better than to do a jump that almost killed her father.

Nat makes a last adjustment to her dress before skating. I hear the song play, I know this song. It use to be one of my favorites when I was a kid. What is it called again? The announcer answers that for me. “Natalya Altin-Plisetskaya representing Kazakhstan skating to Senbonzakura.” Oh yeah. You know for such a fun sounding song it has very depressing lyrics, oh the advantages of being able to understand Japanese. But I don’t care about the lyrics, I’m infatuated but Natalya’s performance. It’s downright cruel but she makes it look effortless. The song is fast paced and frantic, and her routine reflects that perfectly. It’s a gorgeous routine and-HOLY SHIT SHE WINKED AT ME!!!!!!!!!!! I feel my cheeks go bright red and there’s snickers probably from Hiroki. “Dad, Papa, did you see that Natalya winked me!?” My dads know of my crush on the other girl, I mean they had to if they were going to help me with my programs. 

Papa smiled at me. “I did see that, maybe your crush isn’t as unrequited as you thought.”

But then Hiro had to remind me of something before anyone else speaks. “Papa, her theme is revenge remember? It probably didn’t mean anything. If anything it’s a bad sign.” Maybe that’s what all this teasing is? A part of her revenge.

“It is strange that she’s skating to Aiko’s favorite song with a theme like that.” Dad says quietly to Papa I barely hear it.

I’m about to yell at my little brother when Natalya does something that catches me off guard: she slips, it’s small and almost unnoticeable. I know the tech panel saw it though, they always see slip ups like that. I see the panic in her eyes, she knows what she did. It doesn’t affect her more than that, she finishes the program amazingly with a bout of spins and jumps. Her tech score will be through the roof, but I know I still stand a chance. Natalya never gets amazing performance scores but I don’t know about this one, everything was amazing and captivating. But with the slip in the tech score it might give me just what I need to crawl to the top.


	6. Chapter Five

I hate waiting for scores. Especially when it’s someone I’m concerned about, like Natalya. I watch her chat with her parents at the kiss and cry. Deep breaths Aiko, you’ve got this. You’re going to do great. What if I fuck up? What if I can’t do the quad lutz? No, I can’t think like that. Hey there’s the announcer. Holy shit! 95.9! How am I supposed to beat that? Shit! Shit! Shit! After a celebratory woot she looks at me with a smug expression on her face. Great, just great. 

I see a boy run up to her smiling for a second. I’m confused, didn’t think Natalya and Gabriel were still together. She was only dating him because she lost a bet. It was the same as when they were friends; other than Gabriel was a cheesy mother fucker, and when they broke up everything was fine. I know Gabriel is here this weekend, maybe I can I ask him about Natalya. Maybe it is him, they are still friends after all. No, it can't be, Gabriel isn't that pale.

But who is that boy? Oh wait! I do know him! It’s Vanya Kuznetsov, he’s one my rink mates. I don’t really like him all that much, he’s kind of an asshole from my experience with him. It was kind of satisfying to watch him lose miserably at the final last year to Gabriel. I wonder why Nat is hugging him. After a moment I see Gabriel go to Natalya and high five her before she walks off to probably go change into a normal clothes; now would be my chance to talk to Gabe. I smile at my parents, I tell them I’m going to the bathroom and that I’ll be back in a second. 

I run down to where I saw the older boy last. “Gabriel!” I call spotting him.

“Hey Aiko.” He says with a bright smile as he walks towards me. “You're after Brenda Taylor, right?” He asked. Ah Brenda, one of the few things me and Natalya can a agree on: she’s closer to a piece of shit than a human. For one she’s extremely homophobic; which when you have two dads homophobia is hard to swallow, even more so than normal. There have been multiple times when me and Natalya have had to tell her to fuck off. Sometimes it’s even made us work together to do it.

“Yeah, I’m not exactly rooting for her.”

“I heard...“ He said laughing. “So Aiko what did you need?”

“Maybe I just saw you and wanted to say hi.” I said trying to smile at him.

“No I don’t think that’s it.” He gave a soft laugh and put a hand on my shoulder. “Is it about your little crush on Natalya?”

“WHAT!? How do you know about that?” How does anyone know about that other than my dads and Hiroki? Well maybe Natalya after she… 

Gabriel starts to crack up. “I wasn’t sure but your reaction just proved it, and to be honest you aren’t very good at hiding it. I was able to tell after I kissed her last year at your party. You were very jealous, it was honestly kind of cute.” I can’t help but blush at that.

“Fine, yeah that’s what I came to you about. What is it like to date her?” 

“Well you know we were best friends beforehand so it wasn’t very different, at least from her end. It took me about a week to figure out she really didn’t like me as more than a friend. Despite what she says, I broke up with her. Not the other way around.” Gabe said rubbing the back of his neck. “I kind of just let her say that for her own pride.”

Well that’s a surprise Nat always said that she broke up with him because he was clingy and it felt awkward. “Why?”

“Because she’s in love with someone else, I could tell about a week afterward. I tried to get to fall in love with me but there was no hope. She’s madly in love. She’s just too proud to admit it.” 

“Who is it?” 

“I promised I wouldn’t say who it was. It’s not like she even believes that she’s in love with her anyway.”

“So it’s a girl?”

“Are you surprised? Natalya is pan, she’s been open about it since she was like 14.” 

“Oh true.” I turn around after hearing a groan from the audience. Brenda just fell, and pretty badly too. I would normally feel sorry after a fall like that, but with her there’s no sympathy. The girl does manage to pull herself up but it took so long that she’s thrown off of her performance. I think I just found last place of this weekend unless she really pulls it together in free skate. 

The rest of her performance is lackluster at best and I get bored watching it, even some of the juniors are better than her. She finally finishes and skates off, of course there’s a polite applause and a few woots, probably from England. It doesn’t matter, I’ve only got maybe three minutes before I go on. Fuck…


	7. Chapter Six

I hear Brenda’s score somewhere in the distance, but my heart is beating too loud for me to really process it all. I can tell is that it’s nowhere near Nat. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m not ready for this. Fuck! Deep breaths, I have to take deep breaths or I’m going to panic. Well I already am panicking. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Gabriel looking at me worried. “Aiko take deep breaths. You can't skate if you can't breathe.” He said softly. “So you need to do that.” Gabriel coaches me as I keep taking deep breaths like I always do when I panic before competing.

“I need to go get ready.” I pull away from the older boy and run to my parents.

“Hey are you okay?” Papa asks gently, hugging me as soon as he noticed my fast breathing. I nod, I'm not sure if I can speak without screaming. I quickly lace up my skates and go to the edge of the rink waiting for the announcement. I just need to get on the ice. 

“Aiko Katsuki-Nikiforova representing Russia is skating to Devil May Cry”

As soon as I hear my name called I skate on the ice, feeling the nerves melt into something more manageable. I can do this, I'm going to be fine. I can do this; I have to. When I get to the middle I open my eyes; please be here Natalya, I want you to see this. I find her sitting with her parents and little brother. She looks like she couldn't care less though. Great! Just great!

I hear the first notes of music, I have pay attention to that right now. Just do my program and then I can worry about my emotions. What’s my first jump? Right, the triple axel. I just have to land it; I’ll clean it up before the next time I compete. Three, two, one! YES!!! I didn’t fall! But I stepped out the landing; I’m definitely going to have to clean it up if I want to win the Grand Prix. Okay, the rest of my jumps are the second half for points; so for now I just need to focus on the spins and my step sequence. 

I think I’m doing alright. I hear the audience cheering as I move into the step sequence. I look up at Natalya, two can play at this game; I blow a kiss at her right before I do a triple lutz quad toe loop combo. I don’t get to see her reaction, but i hope she’s blushing or at least doing something. 

I need to focus. I have my quad lutz coming up, I need to get ready for that. Okay pick up speed and jump. Oh my god I did it! And I didn’t step out of rotation! Yes!!! I hear a huge roar from the audience; okay I’m almost done. Just a triple toe loop, then a sit spin, and then my final pose. I just need to hold it together for that long. 

Finally it ends with my final pose: hands to my chest, looking at the ground, knees together; perfect. How long should I hold it for? Is 10 seconds long enough? I think so. I break from my pose give a quick bow before skating off the ice to my parents. 

“Aiko that was so good; though we need to work on your landing of the triple axel!” Dad says as he hugs me tightly. I think he’s trying to lecture me but I’m too tired to care; I’m so tempted to just sink to the ground right here and sleep for a million years. I’m so fucking tired. I just need to get to the kiss and cry; maybe I can take a nap or something. That program is so exhausting. I just need to sit down. I somehow find the coordination to put the guards on my skates before walking over to the kiss and cry. I snuggle up to Papa and feel my eyelids droop. I’m going to sleep as soon as I get home, even if it’s just a nap before dinner; I’m almost as hungry as I am tired. I just need to stay awake long enough to see my score. Then I can fall asleep.

I guess I fell asleep because I'm startled awake by the announcement of my score. My mouth hangs open, 93 even. That's 12 points above my personal score! Oh my god!!! 

I hear my Dads cheer next to me and embrace me tightly. But it's not enough...my score isn't enough; Natalya is two points ahead of me. No, no, no! I feel sick to my stomach as anxiety courses through me. There's still tomorrow I guess, but how could I have done this badly? The sickness in my stomach turns to nausea. 

The cries of happiness from my parents are drowned out by my need to throw up my breakfast. After a moment I'm able to pull away from them and run to the bathroom. 

I'm a failure, how could I of messed up this badly? Finally I make it to the bathroom and just in time too. There isn't much in my stomach so most of my throwing up is dry heaving. I know crying as well, my cheeks are soaked. Why can I do anything right? No matter what I do I can never pull ahead of Natalya. I have to do something or she'll never see beyond a stupid little kid. Why am I so useless? I'm going to train more when I get home, I don't care how long I have to stay at the rink I will perfect these programs. I have to get to the Grand Prix and show Natalya I'm at the same level as her. I have to.


	8. Chapter Seven

After I empty what little food I have in my stomach I stand up and wipe my mouth off. I'm scared to look at myself in the mirror; and when I do, my fears are correct. I look like hell; my makeup is destroyed so I'm going to have wash it off before I go outside and I look like I haven't slept in weeks. Well, that honestly isn't inaccurate as the past two weeks I've been so busy practicing that I don't get home till at least 9 at night and sleep is loose term for what I'm doing. Mostly staring at the ceiling and trying not to be overwhelmed with how nervous I am.

I walk to the sink. I have to wash off my makeup then I'll go get changed into my normal clothes. The cool water feels nice against my tearstained face, I wish i didn’t have to go out there and face the crowd. How will people respond? I’m a Nikiforov, I’m supposed to be good that this! People are going to hate me! I can’t go out there…I can’t, I’m a failure. More tears slip from my already red eyes; I can’t even stop myself from crying. I’m so fucking useless! I shouldn’t be crying, I’m stronger than this. I have to work hard tomorrow...I have to win, I have to win!

Finally the tears stop and I’m able to wash my face off. I grab a paper towel and scrub the makeup off harshly. There’s no other way to get it off, even if it’s painful. It takes at least fifteen minutes, if not more, to get the makeup off and my eyes are still bright red. I have to get that fixed before I go back out there. I grab a another paper towel, rinse it in cool water, and hold it to my eyes. I heard that helps.

“Aiko?” A very familiar voice calls; Brunella Nekola-Crispino: my best friend. She’s two years older than me but luckily she’s not competing with me, she’d easily beat me and Natalya. But she’s a pair skater with her twin brother Tomás. 

“I saw your program, it was really good! I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Have you talked to Natalya since you-Aiko are you crying?” Suddenly I feel arms around me. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m okay Brune…” I say hugging her back, glad for my best friend’s comfort.

“You’re crying Aiko. You’re not okay.”

“I thought I was going to do better than I did…I need to beat Natalya, Brune. She’ll never notice me, and if she doesn’t notice me-” I bury my face into her shoulder.

“Aiko, shh. It’s going to be okay. You always do better at free skate anyway.” She’s right, my short programs aren’t bad, but I’m also never in first after short program. Maybe I was freaking out about nothing… “Shh, come on let’s go to the girls dressing room and get you out of your costume; then I’ll get mine on and you can come watch me and Tommy’s short program.” I laugh, Brune always knows how to make me feel better; that’s why she’s my best friend.

“That’s sounds like a great way to spend the afternoon. How is Tommy by the way? I haven’t seen you guys since Worlds.”

“Tommy is doing well enough. Though he’s becoming a bit of a flirt. Girls will not leave him alone, not that he even helps by telling them to back off so I have to do it for him! He flirts back!” Brune crosses her arms and looks down.

“He’s 17, of course he’s going to flirt...!” I say laughing and looking look her. “Let him have his fun.”

“No! I need to protect him Aiko! He’s too great to be with just any girl, I have to be sure he ends up with someone as perfect as him.” She says walking with me, gesturing wildly with her hands. 

“You’re just being overprotective, let him get with a girl. Though if someone hurts him I’ll help you hide the body, how does that sound?”

“I’ll consider it.” She nudges my shoulder and smiles.


	9. Chapter Eight

As we get to the dressing room I see Natalya walk out. My muscles tense up, as do Brune’s. God, Brune already hates Natalya for being mean to me in the past. Imagine what she’ll do when she finds out about Natalya kissing me this morning...this isn’t going to go well if it’s mentioned.

“Natalya!” Brune calls waving the other girl over. What is she doing?

Natalya turns and looks over her, almost as though she’s sizing her up, even though they only saw each other a few months ago. I find myself hiding behind Brune as she speaks. “What do you want Brunella?” Natalya’s voice is harsh but not as much as usual; I’m sure she’s just tired from her program.

“I wanted to know if you watched Aiko’s program.” 

All Natalya does is nod without a single trace of emotion. “I saw it.”

“I thought it was amazing, didn’t you? I mean how did she do that quad lutz so well!”

“I know Aiko is hiding behind you hoping that if I can’t see her I’ll say it was amazing or that I’m sure it will seduce whoever she’s trying to seduce. Well I’m not, your axel was a mess despite what we worked on this morn-”

“You helped Aiko on her axel that doesn’t sound li-”

“Let me finish!” She stamps her foot making sure attention is on her. “Your quad lutz looked like you just learned it yesterday so you need to learn how to do it right; and your ending pose didn’t fit with your dance, that probably lost you major performance points, so change that. Maybe something more melodramatic, you tend to do that really well.” That’s strange...from the tone of her voice it sounds like she’s trying to be mean and offend me, but come to think of it all of her criticisms aren’t wrong and she’s speaking them almost in an earnest way. Is she trying to help me?

“Hey that isn’t a very nice thing to say.” Brune says stepping up to her.

“It’s true though, you asked for my opinion and you got it; I’m not going to sugar coat it just because Aiko’s a princess and can’t see her failures with that big ego blocking her way.”

“Aiko isn’t like that and you know it!” Brune says glaring at her. “Come on Aiko, let’s go, I have to get ready anyway.” Brune grabs my arm and pretty much drags me to the dressing room.

“Good! I don't want to talk to you guys anyway!” She shouts, before turning to me with a strange glint in her eyes. “Oh Aiko, I thought I should give this to you.” Natalya pulls a beautiful flower out of her bag and throws it at my feet before walking off. I've seen one like it before but I can't quite place it. I pick the flower up before letting Brune drag me off.

“I hate her sometimes. How are you of all people attracted to her? She's much too mean for someone like you.” Brune says once we get inside the dressing room.

“I don't know, I just am…do you need help with your hair or makeup?” I ask, not wanting to talk about my feelings for Natalya.

“Um, well could you braid my hair? You're better at it than me anyway.” She said shrugging as she grabbed her makeup bag. “That's an interesting flower she gave you.”

“It's very pretty, isn't it?”

“Yeah, but more talking about what it means; it's an Amaryllis. They mean pride or something like that.” Brune says as she starts on her makeup.

“How do you know that?”

“I stumbled upon it last year when I was looking up flower facts after you made it to finals. You Russians have crazy flower superstitions.”

“So do Italians.” Brune just laughs.

“Very true. I just thought it was interesting she gave it to you.”

“She probably doesn't know what it means.” I say with a shrug. “Hey how do you want your hair done?” 

“I don't know, just be careful around her. Huh? Maybe just a ponytail now that I think of it with the costume.” 

“Oh, what's your costume?” The twins love to keep their skating secretive until the season begins; they don't tell anyone what their music or costumes are, they don't even share their theme until the press conference. I've asked Brune the entire offseason to tell me but she wouldn't, so I'm excited to see it.

“Have you seen my dad’s costume for Anastasis? It's based on that, only me and Tomas decided to do purple rather than blue; it suited us better. The purple matches my eyes!” She laughs with a bright smile as she finishes up doing her makeup.

I giggle, Brune is so cute when she gets excited about skating. “That sounds so cool, I can't wait to see it!”

“It's awesome! Here, I put it over there. Can you grab it and help me put it on before you do my hair?”

“Yep!” I run to the rack she pointed at and grab her costume. “I bet it looks so good on you.” I help Brune into her costume. She's right, it looks almost exactly like her Dad's old costume only it's more elegant and like a sparkling wine. She looks amazing in it; after her costume is on I quickly pull her hair into a tight ponytail.

“Thank you so much Aiko! It looks amazing! You're the best best friend ever!” She hugs me tightly and smiles. “Okay now to find Tomas. We've only got like twenty minutes till warm ups. He probably hasn't even got his costume on or his hair fixed up.” She sighs and I see a flash of worry in her eyes.

“Brune calm down you guys still have twenty minutes. It only took us like ten minutes to get you ready, but we should hunt him down.” 

I throw on some jeans and a t-shirt, and Brune makes some final adjustments to her costume and puts on her jacket. “Okay let's go! We have to find Tommy.”


	10. Chapter Nine

Brune and I wander around for a couple minutes looking for Tomas. We go to the rink as the last ladies singles skater finishes up her short program, I think she's from France but I'm not sure. Brune and I look around when I catch a sparkling bright purple costume. “Found him! And he's in costume so you don't need to worry.”

“Oh really? Thank god.” Brune says, her body relaxing. “Hey who is he talking to?” Her body tenses up again. Oh god...she's worried he's talking to a girl, isn't she?

“I'm sure it's no one Brune.” I look at him and move my head around until I see Gabriel Leroy. Huh that's interesting. “It's just Gabriel, not a big deal.”

“Oh. Well let's go grab him.” She says still tense. 

When we're close I hear their conversation; it's definitely interesting. “So how do you say 'Good Luck' in Italian again? I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this.” Gabriel says laughing.

“It's 'in bocca al lupo'. Come on you'll get it this time.” Tommy says, his voice joking and his eyes soft as he takes Gabriel’s hand. Brune freezes and focuses on Gabe.

“Okay well-oh I think that's your sister.” He says dropping Tomas's hand and looking at Brune like a deer in headlights.

“Uh… um…good luck Tommy and good luck Brunella!” He says before dashing off in the opposite direction.

“What was that about?” Brune asks glaring at Tomas.

“He's my friend Brune, I was trying to teach him some basic Italian because he asked. That's all, you didn't have to scare him off.”

“He was flirting with you!” Bruce says, her shoulders rising and lips curling into snarl. Maybe I should jump in and calm her down.

“I promise he's just my friend okay?” He says sighing and looking back trying to find something in the crowd. “Come on Brune we’re first.”

“Wait, they're about to say the ladies' scores. I want to see where Aiko is.”

“In first place representing Kazakhstan is Natalya Altin-Plisetskaya with 96.9 points.”

“That's a good sign, you were only two points behind Natalya.”

“In second place representing Russia is Aiko Katsuki-Nikiforova with 93 points.” Relief floods my body. I'm in second place, I'm in second place. I think I can come back from this.

“In third place representing Canada is Tara Nicholson with 91.5 points.” She's pretty close to me and Natalya, that's worrying.

“In fourth place representing Japan is Ikina Seiko with 88.5 points.” I almost represented Japan but we ended up deciding that staying in Russia was easier.

“In fifth place from Greece is Filippa Delis with 83.05 points.”

“And finally in sixth place representing England is Brenda Taylor with 77 points.” Ha! Good, her homophobic ass is in last place! 

“Well that's good, now it's almost time for us to go on for warm ups. Hey Aiko where will you be sitting?”

“In the seats up there with my Dads and brother.” I say pointing at our seats, because I'm skating we have tickets to all the events and really good seats, so I should be able to see them easily.

“Okay! We better meet with our Dads and coach before we go out there for warm ups.”

“Okay! I'll meet up with you guys after you’re done, and maybe we can go to lunch together.”

“Sounds great, can Gabriel come too?” Tomas asks much to Brune’s displeasure.

“No, I don't know what's up with you two but I don't like it.”

“We’re just friends I promise.” He said shaking his head with a small laugh. “Come on we need to find our coach.”


	11. Chapter Ten

After Tomas and Brune run off I go back to my seat. “Aiko where have you been? It's been twenty minutes since you went to the bathroom! We were about to send someone to look for you.” Papa says with a mixture of worry and frustration on his face. Oh right, I didn't tell them where I was. Hopefully I won't get in trouble.

“I was with Brunella, we met up when I was heading back here. She saw me and I helped her get into her costume and then I changed. I'm sorry Papa.” I say looking away, I hate it when I worry my parents.

“Viktor I told you she would be with friends and nothing bad was going to happen.” Dad says taking his hand and smiling.

“It's okay Aiko, just text me next time okay?” Papa says smiling at Dad and at me.

“I promise. Is it okay if I go out to lunch with Brune, Tomas, and Gabriel after Brune and Tomas finish their short program?” I ask softly. They'll probably say yes, they know I know St. Petersburg like the back of my hand and that it won't be a problem. 

“I don't see a problem with it. Do you, Vitya?”

“No, I don't. So yes, you can go out with your friends after they finish.” Papa says ruffling my hair. 

“Yay! Thank you Papa, thank you Dad!” I almost jump with happiness before looking at the ice, warm ups have started. I easily find Brune and Tommy gracefully skating in the three pairs that are out there. Tommy gently lifts Brune by her waist and spins with her before setting her down. “I think they'll win today, they're amazing.”

“They'll be on the podium for sure, they're still young. They didn't take gold last year but they did make to the Grand Prix final, so who knows.” Dad rambles on watching the twins skate.

 

Soon warm ups are over. Everyone but Brune and Tomas leave the rink, both of them smile at each other and nod before skating the center of the rink and wait for their music to start. 

After seeing her costume I should've known the twins were going to do Anastasis. You can tell how in sync they are from the beginning. It's almost like they're talking to each other, it's beautiful. I hear screams when they do their death spiral, I could not imagine doing that with anyone. It's insane. Their piece is less of Anastasis and more of a tribute to their father; it’s extremely interesting and intense to watch. 

Everyone knows they’re at least going to win short program after they finish; we won’t know about the full event until tomorrow. I’m excited, Brune and Tomas are captivating to watch. I can’t wait until free skate. They bow and smile and wave, Brune picks up a stuffed falcon before leaving the ice. I watch with baited breath as Brune and Tomas wave at the camera; waiting for scores is always the worst. Brune clings to her brother and the falcon nervously as the announcer’s voice resonates through the stadium. “Brunella and Tomas Nekola-Crispino’s score is 80.2.” I stand cheering, smiling brightly. That’s an amazing score! I really hope they win this weekend.

So now I just have to wait for them to go get changed and then we’ll go get something to eat. Good, because I’m starving.


	12. Chapter Eleven

As soon as they run off to get changed, I follow. It’s already 3PM? Wow, I didn’t notice how much time has passed. I’ll only get a small lunch because we’ll have dinner in a few hours; I’m mostly going to hang out with my friends anyway. I stand outside the dressing rooms playing on my phone while I wait, I'm about to check the news when Brunella comes out. “You know better than to do that.” She laughed clicking the exit button on my phone.

“I just want to see what they say...” I mutter turning my phone off and tucking it into my pocket.

“I know you well enough, and it'll just make you nervous again.” She says rolling her eyes.

“Hey, where's Tommy? I'm starving, weren't we supposed to go eat?” a voice comes from behind us: Gabriel.

“Nobody said you were invited.” Brune practically spits, prickling up and glaring at him.

“I invited him Brune, he's my friend.” Tomas says exiting the dressing room and walking over to Gabriel.

“Is there something up with you two, what is it?” Brune says looking at Gabriel

“God Brune, nothing is up. Why are you so hostile?” Tomas asks sighing. “Come on let's just go out to eat, you’re probably just hungry.” 

Brune nods. “Sure, but you're right, I am starving. Aiko you know around here right? Do you know any good places to eat?”

I think for a moment; there’s a lot of good food in this part of town, yes but I’m not sure if the others want Russian food or not. “Well I know this little business cafe a few blocks away, but it mostly serves Russian food. So it’ll be things like Borscht and Olivye. Sometimes they’re a bit of an acquired taste. It’s affordable though.”

“I say we should go!” Brune says with a slight jump. “It’s fun to try the foods when you’re in different countries! When you were in Italy last year; I think you deserve some payback after that.”

“You made me try cheese with maggots in it!” I say, though I can’t contain the small laugh. “And you didn’t even tell me there were maggots in it until I already had it in my mouth. I could've just swallowed it and been blissfully unaware that I had eaten maggots.”

“You were fine! But yeah I do think some forcing me to try Russian food is in order; but what about the boys?” 

“If they don't like the food there's restaurants for foreigners. But /you/ are eating Russian today.” I laugh and pull her along, expecting the boys to follow us.

“Well I won't shy away from trying new food, it sounds interesting.” Tomas says enthusiastically before turning to Gabriel.

“Why not; that's the part about being an international skater. You get see so many different parts of the world.” 

“Then Russian it is!” I lead Brune, Tomas, and Gabriel to the small Cafe. “I'll do all the talking since you guys don't know Russian.” I say walking the counter.

“Table for four please!” I say to the man at the counter. He nods, and leads us to a small table in the back of the restaurant when I see someone I didn't expect. Blonde hair and piercing eyes catch me off guard. Of course Natalya just had to be here.

“She's like a bee Aiko; just don't bother her and she won't hurt you.” Brune says as we take our seats. I bite my lip, she's right. If I just don't freak out everything will be alright. 

“Oh look who just showed up, it's The Ice princess of Russia.” She snickers to the small group of people beside her. I know the three other people at the table. Chen Ji and surprisingly Brune and Tomas’s cousins: Anita and Alfie Crispino-Babicheva. They snicker as well but calm down when Brune gives them a death glare.

I roll my eyes at the use of my nickname. I don't mind it most of the time, hell I even think it's kind of cute, but the way Natalya says it shows she doesn't mean it in a friendly way but a way to call me a spoiled brat. “I have as much right to be here as you.”

“You do I suppose; but there are other cafes not too far from here.” She mutters rolling her eyes.

“Well we wanted to eat here, so how about you leave us alone. We weren't even bothering you.”

“Your existence bothers me.” God, I want to say something mean there but I just turn away. If I say something she'll just come back with something worse, so I just sit down at our table.

 

I look through the menu trying to pick something out for everyone. Since they can't read or speak Russian I have to do it. I don't want to give Tomas or Gabriel anything too crazy, just something a little fun to try. But Brune...Brune I'm going to pick something interesting. Maybe Dressed herring, or Olivier salad. I'd love to see if she would handle that as well as I handled maggot cheese.

I go through the menu one more time before deciding on knish for me, pelmeni for Gabriel, Chicken Kiev for Tomas, and kholodets for Brune. That might be a little cruel to her but she deserves it. And for drinks everyone will get kvass. 

When the waiter comes back I quickly list off the order before turning around to see Natalya, Alfie, and Anita looking at me.

“Who are you giving kholodets to? That almost seems cruel.” Alfie says with a laugh, looking at his cousins and Gabriel. “Sorry, one of you two is about to suffer. Kholodets is-”

“Don't ruin the surprise!” I say laughing as Brune’s eyes shoot open, horror clear in them. “I want to see Brune's face when it comes in not when she just hears it.”

“What did she do you to bring on this?” Anita asks laughing at her cousin's anxiety. “I can see dressed herring or olivier for a joke but this is just a punishment.”

“You're right, Anita, it is kind of a punishment. When I was in Italy a few months ago Brune ordered me casu marzu…” I know I butchered the pronunciation but hopefully they'll get it; Alfie does because he starts dying of laughter.

“Oh yeah, if someone did that to me I would also order them Kholodets. You had this coming Bruney.” Alfie said laughing harder.

Chen is sitting there looking confused as is everyone at my table other than Brune who just looks scared.

“Just wait for the food to come in. And don't worry Gabriel and Tomas, Aiko was nice to you guys. I'm getting chicken kiev as well.” Alfie says with a snort as he turns back around to a grumpy Natalya; haha I stole her entire party for a minute there.

“I don't even know what it is and I feel really bad for you, but you /are/ the one who thought giving Aiko casu marzu was smart.” 

“I was just trying to be funny; I didn't know that even the Russians would be scared of my punishment.” Brune says with nervous laughter.

“We’re exaggerating Brune; I promise you’ll probably be a little grossed out at first but it’s not going to kill you. It’s not even all that bad in the first place.” Anita speaks up though still with a smile. “Come on, you know Aiko wouldn’t do anything too crazy.” 

Brune does seem slightly relieved at her cousin's words and shrugs. “Yeah you’re probably right.” Brune watches the kitchen and waits for the food to come out. I can tell that despite being mostly calmed down she's still slightly nervous.

Finally the food comes around for both of our tables. “Oh no.” Brune mutters as she sees the kholodets. “Is it meat jello?” She asks looking at me like I’m insane.

“Pretty much.” I shrug taking a bite of my knish as Brune sighs.

“I guess I deserve it...it doesn’t look all that bad, or at least as bad as I thought.” She said grabbing the fork and digging in. “Weird but not bad.”

“I’m not mean Brune.” I hear a scoff from the other table. Don’t attack her Aiko just breathe, she’s just trying egg you on so she’s proven right. Just keep it to yourself. “You can have some of my knish if you want.” I offer smiling at her.

“Nah it’s fine, just eat your lunch.” I take a sip of my kvass. “So guess what Aiko?” She says shooting up excitedly.

“Hmm?” I look up at her from my food.

“Me and Olympia took fifth place in a Telawah competition! Locally of course; but it's really good for one who's so young and has a really young bird.” I totally forgot about Brune starting to compete in Falconry. She told me at Worlds last year but it slipped my mind.

“That's super cool! Maybe next time I'm in Italy if we're close enough I can watch her train?” I ask. I've met Brune’s falcon a few times, she seems very intelligent though she doesn't seem to like people.

“Probably not; I invited Tomas to watch and she tried to peck him. You're so small she'd probably try and fly off with you if she was hunting.” Brune pokes my arm playfully.

“Ah okay. I do want to see Olympia again though, she's so pretty.” 

“Yep she's my baby! But definitely I'll let you see her.”

“Cool! hmm we should get back soon. I want to see some of the other skaters.” Gabriel pipes up excitedly. “Even though I'm sure you and Tomas are going to win.” Brune eyes him suspiciously but shrugs. 

“You too can go back; I'm going to have Aiko take me sightseeing!”

“Brune you've been in St. Pete-”

“I said we’re going sightseeing!” She kicks my leg under the table. What is she talking about? “Hey Alfie you should come with us!”

“Can I come!?” Asks Chen looking at her excitedly. 

“Uh sure, I don't see why not.” She asks looking confused at the boy with auburn hair. “Who are you again?”

“Chen Ji, I'm Alfie’s boyfr-” He says cut off by Alfie with desperate eyes. But it's too late, Brune has already heard it. 

“You're dating my cousin?!?!” She shouts. Yep, I'm dragging her out of this. I take Brune’s arm and drag her to the door as she stares wide-eyed at Chen. 

“Come on Brune let’s go sightseeing!” I quickly pay for everyone's lunch before walking out with Brune, her purple eyes completely focused on Chen with a wild craze to them.

“He's dating Alfie?” She asks once we’re out of the restaurant. She's practically dazed and looking back. 

“That's what he said; why? Alfie is 18 and he's already made some pretty big decisions about his life, he can pick who he wants to date.”

“I suppose; but still…”

“Chen is a nice guy, Natalya's little brother looks up to him.”

“Speaking of Natalya...why?” She tilts her head.

“Why what? We've been over this Brune, I don't know why I like her but I do…” 

“I know you said that, but there has to be a reason.”

“She was my best friend when we were little kids, maybe it's something like that.”

“Her entire theme is about revenge against you, she obviously doesn't have the same feelings for you.” 

“What are you trying to say?”

“You're only hurting yourself by going after her. I'm just trying to help. This can't be healthy. It's almost like an obsession.”

“Brune I'm fine; the theme is just supposed to help clear my mind about this crush. I work out my feelings best on the ice. Though thanks for being concerned.”

“Yeah I know, it's good you have a such a good outlet for it. And I'm your best friend, I'm supposed to be concerned for you.”

“Thanks Brune, really. Now you said you wanted to go sightseeing.”

“Yeah, even though I've been here with you before St. Petersburg is so pretty and I love it.”

“Okay, lets have some fun!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading; to everyone really. But I have a little important message. My characters have voice blogs on Tumblr!!! I'm screaming!!! Skye (Aiko-Speaks) and Willow (Children-of-legends) are amazing, and I love them. Everything that comes from them is canon in this Universe. You should all go follow them!!! Like right now and listen to their stuff!!!


	13. Chapter Twelve

I don't have to go to the rink today if I don't want to as women aren't competing today. But Vanya, Gabriel, Alfie, and Chen are competing so I should go to support my friends and asshole rink mate. Also pair skating free skate is today so I need to be there for Brune and Tomas. I do however get to wake up at a decent time. I had a strange dream and I can't stop thinking about it. It was the kiss we shared yesterday morning...the warm feeling of her lips against mine. Even if it meant nothing to her it's everything to me. It was my first kiss…God, my first kiss was with Natalya Altin-Plisetsky in the locker room. Fucking hell…I wonder if she knows she's my first kiss? Probably not. She probably doesn't care either. 

“Aiko!” Ah Papa is calling me. It must be time to get up to go to the rink. I still have twenty minutes before we leave, just enough time to take a shower. First I should pick an outfit. Just something simple really, but more than jeans and t-shirt. I dig through my closet and find a cute pleated skirt, button up top, and combat boots. It’s simple but cute. I lay it out on my bed and run to take a quick shower. I don’t take too long since I don’t have enough time to take a long shower. I wash my hair and then wash off. I only use plain shampoo, I don’t really like the ones with heavy scent. It feels like they suffocate me. 

As soon as a finish I towel off and run to my room. My shower was far longer than I wanted it to be and I have only have 7 minutes to get dressed and do my make up. Ugh…I easily throw on the skirt and shirt. Makeup and hair is what will take some time. I think I might just keep it down, it looks okay enough and it’s easy. What should I do with my makeup? Maybe just a simple bit of eye shadow and eyeliner. Yeah, that works, nothing crazy. 

I walk downstairs to see Papa and Dad. I smile at them as I tug my jacket on. “Okay let's go!” I say grabbing an apple as we leave the house to get to the rink. I stare out the window of the train. St. Petersburg is pretty and such a fun place to explore. I know the the city inside out but I still manage to find new things every time. Hiroki sits next to me chattering about some new musical arrangement Nikolai composed. I know it's selfish but I wish he wouldn't talk about Nikolai so much, it reminds me too much of Natalya. 

I can't get the stupid girl out of my mind, and that kiss didn't help. I want to feel her lips again, I want to kiss her and not be frozen by shock so I can kiss her back. It's too much to ask the Universe for such things, I've already had enough handed to me. I have wonderful parents…well not at first, but for the past 11 years I have. I even had Natalya for a while. I was the one who messed that up. Maybe if I hadn't been an asshole, things would of turned out differently. Maybe she'd be mine right now... 

“Aiko come on, it's time to get off.” Hiroki shakes my shoulder, snapping me out of my trance. 

“Thank you.” I say walking out. My voice sounds empty, almost void of emotion. Hiroki shoots me a nerveous look but shrugs. We walk a few blocks to the rink. I see Nat walk in with her usual blank expression across her face. What is she thinking about? 

You know what? I'm going to tell her she was my first kiss. I want her to know that. I chase after her, following the blonde ponytail. “Nat! Natalya! Stop I-I want to talk to you about something.”

She mutters something in Kazakh before turning to me. “What?” She asks, hand on her hip with her green eyes piercings me. I almost want to turn and run.

“I-I just wanted to tell you that...” I'm really going to say this...how will she react? “...you were my first kiss.” I say staring at her. At first all I can see is shock, then something akin to regret.

“I was?” Her voice is uncharacteristically soft, it's almost not hers. “Aiko…” She's at a loss for words; and her face, she looks unguarded and defenceless. “I didn't…blyad’.” She bites her lip and looks away. “I didn't mean for that of all things to be your first kiss…even you deserve better than that.” She looks like she's being genuine. “Meet me after Free skate tomorrow, okay? I'm going to make it up to you somehow.” Natalya takes a sharp breath before turning and walking away from me.

Huh, I never thought Nat would ever regret anything. She looked so unguarded, it made her look even more beautiful. I almost chase after her but I restrain myself.

“What do you mean she was your first kiss?” Shit! Hiroki must of followed after me, he looks worried. I take a deep breath, should I tell him? He's not going to stop until I do.

“Hiro…you have to promise not to tell Papa or Dad okay?” Great, that made him even more worried. “I promise it's not that big of a deal I would just rather them not know. 

“I…okay fine just tell me.”

“Yesterday before the short program Nat kissed me. It was insane but she did it, and now I can't stop thinking about it.” 

Hiroki looks for a moment and nods. “How does she know that you have a crush on her?”

“I-I don't know, maybe she figured it out though the unrequited love thing but I could have that for anyone.”

“I won't tell, but if she does something like that again you should tell Dad or Papa. That's kind of bullying.” Hiroki says before hugging me and running off. He's a good little brother.

I've been granted so much, yet I still chase after the one thing I can't have. Why am I so selfish? I should find Brune but I don't feel like it. I don't feel like hunting anyone down, I just want to curl up and start crying. It's one of those days, isn't it? My mother’s old words sting worse than normal. Worthless. Selfish. Horrible. Nothing. Keep repeating in my head on loop. Nat had it worse though, so much worse. Why I am complaining? There they are again, her words. I guess it makes sense since I have such low self esteem, I don't think about it till these days come along. 

I'm tired, but I'm glad I'm not at home alone like I was on the last time I had one of these days. My parents caught me in a position I wish they hadn't. Scratch marks up and down my arms and legs. I hadn't even noticed I was doing it until they caught me. At least here I can't do that. I feel a tear roll down my cheek, fuck. I should find my parents, or someone, anyone! Why can't I move? Why am I just stuck here?! I want to scream for help but all the words are stuck in my throat. Help! Help me! I'm stuck, I can't breathe, please…why can't anyone hear me? All I can hear is my mother's words. Worthless. Dirty. Useless. Waste of space. Why won't you just die already? Are they my own or my mother's words? I don't know anymore. 

Someone puts a hand on my shoulder. “Lastochka!” Papa, thank god. Arms tight around my body. I'm safe, I have good parents who would do anything for me. My mother is no longer my concern. Papa and Dad are here now. “Aiko, it's okay.” Their voices are soft and loving. I'm glad I have them. 

“Come on, let's go find our seats. You should probably sit down.” They love me. That's all that matters now.


End file.
